Bipolar Disorder · mental health · sleep

Trying to Stop My Hypomania in it’s Track

In the beginning, I have a chance to stop it, my hypomania. It is so subtle that no one notices but me. It usually begins with an interruption in my sleep. I have to admit I haven’t been taking my full dose of my anti-psychotic. I’ve only been taking half. I have a reason. My medicine makes me SO tired. I go to bed at 10:00 pm and usually have to wait for it to kick in for 30 minutes before I fall asleep. Then my alarm goes off at 6:00 am to wake my daughters up for school. That’s 7 1/2 hours of sleep. That seems like a lot for most people, but not for me. This drug usually takes 9-10 hours before it wears off. I’m a zombie at 6:00 am and I go back to bed until 9:00 or 10:00 after I drop my oldest off at 7:30. So, I started taking half. Usually when I make decisions about my medication without the advice or guidance of my doctor, bad things usually happen. I only took half on Sunday and on Tuesday I woke up at 3:30 am wide awake. Oh crap. Maybe I just woke up. That happens to normal people, they wake up in the middle of the night not being able to go back to sleep. Except I knew better, but I keep taking half of the medication. On Wednesday, I woke up at 4:30 am. I didn’t wake up when my husbands alarm went off at 4:00 or even when he got out of bed at 4:20. Nope, 4:30. I woke up to my husband getting dressed. He usually knows when I’m not sleeping well. It’s the only time that I am awake when he kisses me goodbye at 4:45. But he never sees it as a sign of hypomania, he just thinks I am not sleeping well. Don’t get me wrong, he feels bad for me that I am not sleeping, but he feels bad for me as if it was like he was not sleeping. Let me explain the difference. Brian not sleeping makes him tired, makes him cranky, maybe he takes a nap the next day, makes him crash earlier the next night. Me not sleeping is me laying there, wide awake, mind racing, maybe being bored because no one else is awake to talk to me and absolutely no one is on Facebook. I usually try to take a nap the next day because I know that sleep will “restart” my brain, but I can’t sleep. Same problem with night sleeping, my brain won’t shut off. I recognize after a few days of waking up early (at least I am getting at least 4 hours of sleep. Usually I get 1-2) that I may be starting a hypomanic episode. On Wednesday after I got up, another symptom emerged, fast speech. I was with my friends having coffee and I could not stop talking and I was trying to cram as much as I could into one sentence. I noticed, they probably did too. Later on that afternoon another symptom, distraction. I was driving to my friends house that afternoon, talking very fast to her on the phone (bluetooth), another friend was texting me, I actually got turned around trying to get to her house. On my way home, it was dark, I was talking to my husband, I got turned around again and actually drove to the next town because I was backwards and didn’t pay attention to where was going. It took me 30 minutes to get home when my friend lives 15 minutes away. I think I know what happened. I got excited. I have to be careful when I get excited about things. It’s not that I can’t get excited, but if it happens as symptoms are emerging it can push my brain into an episode. When I went to my friends house yesterday to visit and I was still talking fast, I decided that last night I had to take a full dose of my medication. I slept like a baby last night and didn’t wake up until 9:00 am. 10 hours of sleep, that’s about right for me. Fingers crossed that I stopped an episode in it’s track.

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