Bipolar Disorder · Depression · Healthy Eating · mental health

I’m Ready to Be a Loser!

I am a petite woman at only 5’3″ tall. I have small feet and hands and I have small bones. I have always been small. Unfortunately, life happened and for the last 10 years or so I haven’t been so small. I used to have the opposite problem. I could eat and eat and never gain a pound, but if something upset me, I lost weight. When I got my drivers license at 16, I weighed 115. That’s a healthy weight for a teenage girl. When I graduated at 18, I weighed 96. Not so good. I looked like a skeleton. I did not have an eating disorder. I was just upset and anxious a lot and when I get that way, I can’t eat. I wasn’t in a good relationship so I cried a lot, in return not eating. Don’t worry, I gained it back. Then, a month before I got married to my first husband, I got tonsillitis. If anyone knows what that is like, it was horrible and I couldn’t eat anything except broth for a week. So I lost about 10 pounds and weighed 106 when I got married. No worries though, I got pregnant on my honeymoon!!! Now I am eating for two!! After my baby girl was born, I  weighed around 117 for the next 4 years until baby #2 came along. I gained around 30 lbs when I was pregnant and loved every minute of it! I did not love that I stayed at around 135 lbs for 5 years after. Now, I know that is a healthy weight and I don’t have a problem with the number. I just felt comfortable at 117. I looked good and felt good. I don’t know if it was the depression talking to me but I just felt horrible and fat. And it was only going to get worse. After my divorce, I went from 135 to 174 in a matter of 3 years. I gained 40 lbs in 3 years. Here is my theory on what happened. #1. I was now 32, so my metabolism after having 2 kids was taking a long break. #2. I take Seroquel and weight gain is a side effect. #3. My depression was out of control so I was constantly in bed or eating comfort foods and #4. My new husband ate like shit. I have never had so much fast food in all my life. Once I hit 174 lbs and my wedding dress didn’t fit 4 months before my wedding, I knew something had to be done. I joined a fitness club and watched what I ate. I did manage to loose 10 lbs before the wedding and squeeze into my wedding dress on my wedding day. Then the best thing that could happen to me and my husbands health came when he had a physical and he was put on a diabetic diet to lower his triglycerides. He lost about 25 lbs in a matter of months and I gradually lost 20 lbs over the next year. We only strictly followed the diet for a couple of months, but it allowed us to start planning our meals and eating more healthy. Another thing it taught us is that when you eat like crap, you feel like crap. So now I am on a mission! I have 16 lbs to go before I reach my goal of 130 lbs. I have joined forces with some of my support friends in the mental health community to blog and share our weight loss/healthy eating journey! Follow my journey on Instagram & Twitter @bipolarsurvivor and jump in on the fun! You can be a loser too!!!!

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