Love · mental health · Stepparenting

Why Isn’t There a Day For Stepparents?

My children haven’t had a stepdad long, and on Father’s Day this past year my husband asked me if he was going to get a gift. “No,” I said. “You are not the girls father.” He looked disappointed. He probably feels the same way that my children’s stepmother feels. While he may not love them in the same way a parent loves a child, he still loves them. He plays with them, takes them places, pays for their activities, cheers for them, houses them, feeds them, etc. Same as we all do. And he and their stepmom don’t have children of their own, so in a way they are their children too. I think that he and their stepmom are excellent parents. That being said, I am a little territorial. I cannot speak for my ex-husband, but I made those girls and gave birth to them. I cried in labor for 24 hours before that first baby of mine was born. I stayed up all night feeding them and wiping their tears. I taught them to walk and to talk. I suffered through Barney. I am their mother. So I think, if a parent is very much still in the picture, that Mother’s & Father’s Day should be for parents. That doesn’t mean I don’t think stepparents don’t deserve their own day, though. Apparently you can’t find anything for stepparents. My children’s father and stepmother moved away so I felt it was my responsibility to have my girls pick out her birthday present. They didn’t even have a birthday card specific to stepmoms. I found that strange in the day of divorce. Stepparents should be celebrated. They work just as hard as parents do, sometimes harder because they weren’t the one’s that tucked them in at night. They have had to earn trust. They aren’t their mom and dad.

When my girls were born, me and their dad never planned on getting a divorce. We didn’t have our kids and prepare them for stepparents later on in life. Like most people, it just happened. My ex-husband met and married someone a lot faster than I did. She told me once that it was very intimidating to raise another woman’s children. I can definitely see why. I’m pretty intimidating to begin with and not being in a good place myself, I didn’t give her much slack. She didn’t need it though, she never stepped out of the invisible boundaries that I put up. She never disciplined my kids beyond what her and my ex-husband decided upon. My girls look to her as kind of like their big sister or fun aunt. My husband is the same way with my girls. My youngest gave him a hard time though. She was 6 when her dad got together with her stepmom (and 5 when we divorced) so she was pretty much always around. I didn’t meet my husband until she was 10. She had 5 years of me all to herself and she didn’t much care for the intrusion. Her dad and I both had to tell her to be more respectful. She is crazy about him now. My husband told me he was very nervous to meet my ex. He was stepping into waters that he had never been in before. My ex-husband and I never had to deal with intimidation. We just had our kids and loved them and tried to raise them as we saw fit. Stepparents don’t get to do that. They do get to love them but if my husband doesn’t agree on what my ex-husband and I agreed on for the kids, he doesn’t get a say in it. He just has to go with it. Luckily, he is a very easy going man! So why shouldn’t they get a day? They shouldn’t have to share a day with parents just as parents shouldn’t have to share a day with them. Grandparents get a day. For goodness sake, ice cream gets a day! I did a little research on google and found out that while it is not an official national day, a lot of families celebrate their stepparents on the Sunday after Mother’s/Father’s Day. I think this is an excellent idea and in 2016 this family will celebrate their very first Step Mother’s Day on May 15, 2016 and Step Father’s Day on June 26, 2016.

Advertisements

2 thoughts on “Why Isn’t There a Day For Stepparents?

  1. my husband treats me like i am a mother to his children. he has the kids get me flowers each year and i’m able to celebrate mother’s day just like every other mother out there.
    i wish you saw your husband as a father, not as just a step father who needs a special day for doing the exact same thing as a biological parent.

    Like

    1. I never said my husband wasn’t a father figure, but he is NOT my children’s father. If my children’s father wasn’t involved in every aspect of my girls life, I would treat him as more of a “father.” He is very much celebrated in being an amazing husband & stepfather. Their stepmother is a very lovely woman who loves them dearly but she is NOT their mother. I would be hurt if she was treated as such. I don’t share well. I didn’t give birth to these girls so someone else could also get flowers on Mother’s Day. These people weren’t in the picture when they were born. They weren’t part of our plan. I’m so happy they are in my children’s lives but they are certainly not their parents. I celebrate them for what they are, the best step parents a kid could have.

      Like

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s