Boundaries · Marriage · mental health

The Line

When you are married, there is an invisible line that you don’t cross. It could be there in any aspect of your life. Your job, your friends, or your social activities. It is my belief that God created marriage so that you could of course procreate, but also so you don’t have to go through this life alone. He gives you one person to love and who loves you to journey through life together. Once married, a line is drawn. This line is there to protect you. To protect your spouse and to protect your marriage. My husband and I can personally tell you of the effects of this line being crossed. Not because we crossed it on each other, but because they were crossed on us. You don’t get to decide if you crossed the line. Your spouse decides. Your spouse has the say if you are working too much or spending too much time with a friend. If your spouse feels neglected, you’ve crossed the line. If you work at your job so much that it is effecting your spouse, you’ve crossed the line. If you are hanging out with a friend too much and your spouse feels neglected, you’ve crossed the line. Do you go out to the bar every night without your spouse and they feel left out? You’ve crossed the line.  You see it’s not about you. Marriage is not about you, it’s about both of you. Both of you need to create this line. It is placed in different places for everyone. And you don’t have to agree about the placement, but you do have to respect it. If you are a female married to a man, you may not think that going out to a bar with your male friend is crossing the line. But if your husband does, you have to respect that line. Even if you don’t share the same views on where the line is placed, you have to respect your spouses wishes. That is what you said you would do when you married them. This isn’t some girl/boy friend that you may have had for years that comes in and out of your life. This is your spouse. This is supposed to be forever. If what you want is to be married to the person you are married to then you can’t cross the line. You can not cross the line or your marriage will fail. This is not about who is right and who is wrong. It is about respect. I am here to tell you, if you don’t respect your spouse, your marriage will fail. I’m not saying you will end up in divorce because there are a lot of people who have successfully fixed their marriage. But they didn’t do it without respect. Communicate with your spouse and be honest. For example, I know it would bother my husband if I went out drinking to a bar with one of my best guy friends. I actually agree with him in this situation, so it’s a no brainer not to go. But he also doesn’t want me to be Facebook friends with a person he knows had an affair with his ex wife. After this “friend” was introduced to me at our regular bar, he sent me a friend request and I accepted. I didn’t know any better, they seemed buddy buddy at the bar. Later, my husband told me that he didn’t want us to be friends. I don’t really care one way or another because I don’t have affairs, but guess what? I unfriended him. No explanation needed. I also have a friend I went to high school with whom I have known for years. We had a brief relationship and after it ended, we remained friends. I asked my husband if he minded if I saw him when I went home to visit my family without him a while ago. We weren’t married then, but we were engaged. He said it made him uncomfortable. Now I know that nothing would happen, and I know my friend would respect me and not try anything, but it would have upset my fiance (now husband) so I didn’t do it. I respect my husband. He respects me. We don’t cross the line.

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