Most people wouldn’t guess that I am actually a religious person. I am just very private about it. I go to church, I take communion,I pray the rosary, I go to reconciliation every year, and I am patiently waiting for the Catholic Church to annul my first marriage so that I may have my wonderful marriage convalidated by our favorite priest. Love has not been easy. Love while surviving with bipolar and anxiety is very difficult. It takes someone who can deal with a lot. Bipolar isn’t the only baggage that I carry. I have 2 children from my first marriage. It takes a special someone to love another man’s children as their own. I have the most amazing man and I know that God was the one who gave him to me.
Back up to February 2009. I stopped going to the spirit lead church I was attending because I was mad at God. I was mad because he gave me the mental illnesses that I deal with and I was mad that he made my marriage end. I do understand that he didn’t actually make my marriage end, but my husband at the time actually told me, “God wanted him to get a divorce.” My world crumbled. I had a 9 year old and a 5 year old. I found myself as a single mother. I only went to church occasionally. Everything I learned and worked for was destroyed. I was mad. I felt betrayed by God. How could he allow this man who was married to me for 10 years divorce me. I didn’t blame my ex husband, I blamed God. God could have given him the strength to help cope with my illness. He could help him love me again. Instead, He put someone else in his life. Someone who will love him without the illness. He deserves that. He tried for a long time, probably longer than I ever would have. I felt cheated. I finally made my peace in 2013. In June, I suffered a relapse of debilitating depression and I just quit my job of 4 years to fight for disability. I tried reaching out to a friend but was met with, “You are where you are today because of all the bad choices you have made in your life.” I was alone. But then again, I wasn’t. I was never alone this whole time. It was then I felt lead to join the Catholic Church. This came as no surprise since my mothers entire family is Catholic and my sister and her family are Catholic. I started RCIA classes in July. My mom was ecstatic! Which was a little odd since she hasn’t been back to the church since she was married in 1968. She said, “Who knows? Maybe you’ll meet a nice Catholic boy.” God heard her prayer. In October, after going on a 6 month dating hiatus, I met my husband, Brian. This man is truly a gift from above. I have never met a person who has an actual heart of gold. Brian is a cradle raised Catholic. He was born and raised in the Ozarks. We knew it was meant to be as soon as we met. We were engaged after 4 months of dating. Soon after we were engaged, he bought a house for us and my girls to live. He went to every RCIA meeting with me and even learned some things! His amazing mother was my sponsor after mine dropped out. I went to reconciliation and confessed my anger toward God. Brian was right there (he had some things to confess as well.) I took my first communion with Brian and his family (and mine) by my side. His priority is to make sure me and my children are taken care of. He has weathered some personal storms too. He believes that God put me in his life to heal him and show him what real love is. He jumped too soon into a marriage of opportunity. While he believed he loved her, she does not know how to love. His marriage ended after only 3 years. He grew up idealizing his parents relationship and wanted the same. And he met me. I won’t forget the first time I went to the store and brought him back his favorite cookies. He was so happy, he said no one has ever done that before. I told him he was in for a treat because I shower everyone I love with surprises! Although, he hasn’t yet encountered the severe depression that I can experience, I believe he will be able to deal with it. Every time I feel even the slightest bit down, he takes me outside to make sure I get all the sunshine I need and keeps me distracted.
My husband is the sweetest man I have ever met. He is incredibly easy to love. His main goal is to love me, take care of me, and make sure that I am happy. He doesn’t care what he gets in return. That is true love. I don’t know what I did to deserve Brian. God is taking care of me. He never stopped, I was just so mad I didn’t see. God has given me the 3 most amazing gifts in my life: My children and Brian. I am truly blessed.