anxiety · Bipolar Disorder · mental health · relationships

A Letter to my Ex’s: Husband, Boyfriends, & Friends

You know that break up line, “it’s not you, it’s me?” 90 % of the time it’s not true. Well, 90 % of the time it is true for me. One thing I’ll say for myself is I know how to love. I will love you with all my heart, but I am not an easy person to love. It’s hard to love someone who snaps at you all the time, who flies off the handle if she isn’t seated at Lambert’s before a bus load of people (we were there first in my defense.) It’s hard to be a partner with someone who’ll sleep all day and not take care of the daily chores or who has lost the will to live. All I can do is say, I’m sorry. I’m sorry that the dream of a great relationship was shattered by my illness and our inabilities to cope with it. Now, I’m not taking 100% credit for the downfall of my relationships (one in particular was 100% not my fault. If you steal from me, I will no longer be your friend.) But relationships are hard enough without throwing bipolar and anxiety in the mix. That requires hard work, understanding and dedication. Some people didn’t have that to give and some tried so hard for so long that they just gave up. Sometimes I was done dealing with them not dealing with me. I have no hard feelings toward any of them. If I hurt you, I’m sorry. I never wanted to hurt anyone, especially the people I love the most. I sincerely hope I didn’t skew your views of how a lasting relationship should be. I hope you can forgive me. I hope you can use our experiences together to help another in need. I hope you find true and ever lasting love.

You always have a place in my heart.

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